The Thermodynamics of Hell

The following is an actual question given on University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law,(gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell , it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell , lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell . Since there are more than one of these religions, and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell , then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell , then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.


The student received the only "A" given


THE TOP 10 THINGS
YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY AT WORK

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
2. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a hoot.
3. How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?
4. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
5. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
6. Ahhh, I see the f*ck-up fairy has visited us again.
7. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
8. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
9. Are you coming on to me or having a seizure?
10. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.




An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the Cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.
"Howdy, stranger..."
"Howdy, Sheriff..."
The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk, and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon.
"Hold on there, Mister..."
"Yes Sheriff?"
"Did I just see what I think I just saw?"
"Reckon you did, Sheriff...I got me some powerful chapped lips..."
"And that cures them?"
"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em.
BE ON THE LOOK OUT
FOR THE FOLLOWING COMPUTER VIRUSES:

CLINTON VIRUS
Gives you a 7 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.

VIAGRA VIRUS
Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

RONALD REAGAN VIRUS
Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

MIKE TYSON VIRUS
Quits after two bytes.

ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS
Disks can no longer be inserted.

PROZAC VIRUS
Screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

TITANIC VIRUS (A strain of the Lewinsky virus)
Your whole computer goes down.

DR JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS
Deletes all old files.





THINGS YOU WILL NEVER HEAR

A WOMAN SAY...

1. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.
2. That was fun! When will all of your friends be over to watch porno movies again?
3. The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday.
4. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed.
If they can hold them to a field goal, they'll still cover.
5. Bar food again?? Kick ass!!
6. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.
7. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.
8. I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends. Tell me more.
9. I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one...what a wonderful Valentine's day present!
10. Let's just leave the toilet seat up all the time; then you won't have to mess with it anymore.
11. It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.
12. Honey come here! Watch me do a tequila shot off of Stephanie's bare butt!







We are always looking for a few good jokes.

Each month we sift through all the hilarious jokes sent in by you and choose a couple to be placed on our site. The Backstage Store will add custom animation and bring your gut-buster to life as well as award the winners with a complimentary
PREMIERE MEMBERSHIP CARD.
Winners who are currently members will receive a $5 gift certificate good for stuff in our store catalog.




Good luck
and we'll see you in the funnies.



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